unbroken

January 5, 2020

I got the unbroken strap a while ago, and it has meant a lot to me. I've struggled hard with persistent major depression and severe anxiety since I was 10, I've been medicated for just as long. I've been hospitalized 6 times now due to self harm, suicidal thoughts, and a suicide attempt. I was 15 when I really tried to kill myself, and very nearly succeeded. At the time I was in my first romantic relationship, and he was abusive in a great number of ways, some of which I've only recently gotten myself in specialized therapy in order to deal with the ptsd. I guess my point is that I've been through a lot of Hell. And I have been struggling really hard for a really long time. I got the Unbroken wristband for the purpose to remind myself to help myself. To remind myself that yeah, I have been through Hell and back a good number of times, and it sucked. But I'm still here. I've been beaten down over and over, and I've spent years of my life drowning and unable to figure out how to even keep my head above the surface, and I have given myself so many scars trying to numb my own emotional pain by replacing it with physical pain and it never worked. But I am still here. I have floundered and faltered and fallen to pieces more times than it is possible to count. But I haven't ever really been broken. I've always still been here, I have always made it through to see another sunrise. I turned 20 in July, and while I still do struggle, I'm still here and I'm making it. I'm learning how to swim in these waters. I'm still not broken. I've had to reassemble myself after falling apart, but I haven't ever been truly broken. I don't remember who the artist is who made that strap, but I owe them quite a lot. On my birthday this past July, I gave away my Unbroken ZOX wrist band to my current, loving, wonderful, boyfriend. I've held onto that strap for years, and I read that word over and over everyday, that unbroken message is so ingrained into myself now I won't ever forget it. But he has been needing that reminder. I hope it will help him as much as it has helped me. ❤