stories
perfectly imperfect
May 8, 2021I'd love to show you my poor ZOX, I wear them every day. I can't put into words how much they help me. I have struggled with weight my entire life. I topped out at around 400 pounds after my husband died. All I did was stay home, live in a pain bubble from bad joints, deal with diabetes and on and on. I thought about suicide, decided I had to hold out until my Mom passed, then I would do it. I couldn't hurt her that way. Finally, I ended up spending all my time either in bed watching TV due to pain, taking too many pain meds for the same reason, or playing in World of Warcraft hours days at a time. Life was pretty miserable. Laying in bed one day I started thinking about my life and how I had let everyone, including myself, down. I had failed at life. Even with the best upbringing a kid could have, I messed it up. What a waste. Somewhere along the days of laying there thinking about it I threw up my hands, metaphorically, and said out loud to the cats... "OMG, lighten up on yourself girl, nobody is perfect!" and it stuck in my head. At that point I decided that I needed to change the way I think...not hate myself for being fat, for having tried and failed over and over to lose weight. But to try accepting myself for just what I am. No one to act strong for, no kids, no job (on disability), no one but me to blame for how I felt. So I figured I was the only one who could change it. Long story, shorter... here I am, 200#s lighter, a couple new parts, a few more surgeries and I'm walking again, I am no longer diabetic, I'm only on a few maintenance drugs, and yes, I'm still wearing my ZOX. (Albeit a bit larger, and somewhat dirtier.) And I've come to believe that it's ok to be Perfectly Imperfect.