i am safe

April 4, 2021

2020 has been quite a year. So this wristband... It's meant everything to me. I've lived a hard life. I never felt safe, not even as a child when I'd lock myself away in my room. I always felt something was after me, that I needed to run or hide. As far back as I can remember, life was just like that. I'd search for safety in all of the wrong places, and it did a lot of damage. There was a lot of abuse in my childhood, through my teen years, even leading up to recent years. I'm glad to say I'm free of that cycle now though. So. This year, I thought I was ready to face my past head on. It's been a hard battle, to say the least. Most of my memories had been forgotten, so I didn't know what I was getting myself into, really. I was given a workbook to work through it all, and immediately got to work on it. I was impatient to be free of this. As soon as the memories started returning, it was overwhelming. I couldn't stop remembering, and memories would come back at the worst times when I wasn't ready. I was shocked over and over by how much I'd forgotten, I ended up traumatizing myself over again. I hadn't finished what I set out to do in facing this all, but now I had PTSD to battle as well. When I saw this wristband, I immediately knew I needed to get it. And I did. The design reminds me of one of my favorite days I've had in the recent years. I went to an aquarium and took so many pictures, especially of the clown fish! If I could post a picture here, I totally would! It was a great day, and it helps me through the hard days when I can look at my wrist and see a reminder of it. On the other side, it says "I am safe," and I can't even begin to express how helpful this has been in dealing with PTSD. When something sets me off, and the memories start looping, it's helped pull me out. It's helped to ground me in reality. It's helped so much, when I lost my first one, I bought a second immediately. At times when I'm set off, I'm asked things like "what does your bracelet say?" And it helps me come back. The monsters are gone, I'm safe now. I'm okay now. I'm strong enough to move forward. Better days are still ahead of me. Days like the aquarium, I will have them again. I CAN fight this and I WILL win. I'll take this down and finish the work I started. I'm going to be happy. I'm going to be free.